Bloody Mary Risotto

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Hello all! I'm back.

Going forward, I’m going to keep writing Risotto Tuesday, but I’m publicly committing to not commit to a weekly schedule. It’s only fun to write as long as it’s fun to write, and it’s fun to write when I have something to say.

If you miss me in the in between, come follow me on Instagram @seabornecloud. That’d be sick.

Anyway, I’m writing because I have something to say, and that something is: I went to Milwaukee Bloody Fest 2024 and then I went home and made Bloody Mary Risotto.

It’s spicy, it’s tangy, it’s bizarre…ly good. It’s a Bloody Mary in a bowl. And it has alllll the Bloody Mary garnishes, of course.

I stole almost all the photos in this post from my friends, because almost every photo I took is on a film point and shoot, and I haven’t sent that roll off to be developed yet.

I’m a Bloody Mary novice. I’m not sure I’d drank more than a sip or two here and there before I went whole-hog in on a Bloody Mary festival. I figured, it was a good way to get the lay of the land. To sample a whole lot of tomato drink in close proximity, to one another.

Reader, the main thing I learned from Milwaukee Bloody Mary Fest 2024? Most Bloody Marys are bad.

Look, I’m not a Bloody Mary drinker. And neither were the friends I managed to collect for this journey to Milwaukee to drink a bunch of Bloody Marys. Somehow I managed to convince a Minneapolis pal to drive five entire hours for this, and we together peer pressured our mutual friend to fly in from Massachusetts to drink bad Bloody Marys in Wisconsin on a Saturday morning. So if anyone wants to sponsor me as an influencer……

jk.

Unless…? 🥺 👉👈

The Kickled Mary.

When we started, spirits were high. The first Mary of the morning was the Kickled Mary. The stand was set up right inside the gates. They were sampling their Original, Wasabi, and Extra Spicy recipes. I tried the Extra Spicy Bloody Mary recipe, of course. I had to forgo the garnish, which boasted an entire shrimp, but at least I got a small floating cheese ball in my glass.

The Kickled Mary was a flavor bomb. The tomato juice was a supporting character, taking a backseat to the vinegary punch of pickle brine and the warm, fruity spice of the habanero.

I could have happily wandered around, sipping the Kickled Mary for ten or fifteen minutes. I’d not have been unhappy sipping a full pint at a brunch. Instead I dumped it without even finishing it, trying to save room in my stomach.

The next Mary, which I wouldn’t name even if I could, was completely unremarkable.

No problem, I thought to myself. The first one was Extra Spicy. That’s where all the flavor was.

The Mary after that? Also impossible to remember.

A selection of the Marys on offer. They had a bedazzling station for the trays!

I tried three or four more Marys. Some were so bland it was like drinking the watered down marinara sauce at your local, old-school pizza joint that’s remained in business through the sheer inertia of having been the only one around when their core customer base were kids, and will go under as soon as enough of them die off or move to Florida. Some were extremely flavorful in extremely terrible ways. I won’t name names. I’ll just say that one national brand that sells excellent tonics —the kind of premium brand that you see in a store and go “I haven’t tried this, but I trust them” — makes a really, really terrible Bloody Mary mix.

Reader, when I tell you the second-best Bloody Mary I had that entire day, you’re either going to be shocked or you’re going to say: I knew it!

If you’ve ever made Bloody Marys at home, there’s a decent chance you’ve had this mix. If you’ve ever had a Bloody at a restaurant, there’s a decent chance you know this mix.

Zing Zang, my friends. Zing Zang.

I was not expecting much when I walked up to the table. Milwaukee is a town with incredible food and a very strong brunch (and drinking at brunch) culture. Even as a non-Bloody Mary drinker, I knew the brand. It’s sold in every store. It’s in bars. It’s absolutely ubiquitous. I even had to wait in line for it twice because the first time I was in line, a member of my group asked me what the line was for, and when I said Zing Zang, they were like …..let’s go try something local, and we left!

Trying this classic Bloody Mary mix towards the middle of the process helped clarify a lot. I can see why it’s achieved its ubiquity: it wasn’t as amazing and flavor-forward as the Kickled Mary, but it had a hell of a lot more flavor than lots of the Marys I tasted. It was multidimensional, tasting of more than just tomato, but it was balanced in a really solid way. It wasn’t like drinking tomato-flavored pickle brine like one competitor, or weak tomato juice. It was… a Bloody Mary. As a bonus, Zing Zang even looks like a vegan Bloody Mary mix — while the ingredients list Worcestershire, the breakdown doesn’t name anchovys. So that’s cool.

The Kickled Mary, the first and best drink of the entire day.

Takeaways from Bloody Mary Fest

1. If I learned anything from Bloody Mary Fest, it’s that sometimes (maybe even most of the time), the pre-made mix is preferable to something completely unique. You can take the pre-made mix and iterate on it, but there’s so much risk in starting from scratch, especially when you’re working in bulk. At the risk of sounding like a LinkedIn business guru….  I think this is a lesson that’s applicable not only to Bloody Marys. Starting from scratch might give you more control, but it also introduces a lot more opportunity to make bad choices. So maybe don’t, unless you have a really good reason why a template isn’t good enough. And even then, there’s probably a good enough template out there.

2. Also, the garnish doesn’t matter if the Bloody Mary is bad. See also: If your swimsuits come undone when I dive into the pool, I’m not buying swimsuits from you again until you redesign them, no matter how athletic your models look on the website. Not that I'm speaking from experience or anything. (I’m totally speaking from experience).

3. Lastly, if you have really good friends, you can get them to travel across state lines for a festival no one is really all that excited for. And if you you have the right group, it doesn’t matter if everyone’s met each other before or not—people will vibe and you’ll all be up playing cards at midnight like you’ve known each other your whole lives. You know who you are. ILY 💗

We didn’t play for real money. All these quarters went home with the person who brought them.

Bloody Mary Risotto Recipe

Isn’t she beautiful?

A couple of things to note for this one.

1. The flavor here felt thin until I added a couple tablespoons of a spice blend from a local spice shop. They don’t sell online, and I didn’t see anything equivalent from Penzey’s. If you’re not local to me, you can substitute for another ingredient that adds a good amount of umami, like mushrooms (broth, bouillon, or crushed into a powder), tomato powder, parmesan rind, more miso, soy sauce, or MSG. Or you can skip it. It won’t be the end of the world.

2. I don’t know that I’d call it a risotto recipe for beginners, so if you’re new here, maybe try one of my other recipes first. There’s a lot going on in the broth, and a lot going on timing wise. Read through the recipe first, prep your skewers, and get the curd ingredients staged early (but leave the curds in the freezer until you’re ready to batter and fry).

3. This is one you’re going to want to taste pretty often. Adjust it as you need to, especially once the original broth level gets low & you start topping it up with more liquid. Mine ended up a little heavy on the pickle brine, so I’ve cut it back in the recipe. But taste and don’t stop chasing your perfect Bloody Mary ratio.\

4. Lastly, yes, heating up a bottle of Zing Zang to use as a broth DID feel so, so wrong. This is definitely one of my more wild risotto variations. But it tasted good in the end so… hey. Weird risottos are what Risotto Tuesday is all about.

Okay. Let’s go.

Bloody Mary Broth Ingredients

• 1/4 c. white miso

• 1/3 c pickle brine

• 2 tbsp. low sodium vegetable bouillon paste

• 2 tbsp. Umami Dearest spice blend from Bloomington Spice Works

• 2 sprigs dill

• 3 tbsp medium-spiced hot sauce, like Tabasco

• 1 32 oz. bottle Zing Zang Mary Mix

• Water

Bloody Mary Risotto Ingredients

• 1 white onion, diced

• 1 c arborio rice

• 1/2 c vodka

• 1/2 c Parmesan, grated

• Olive oil

Bloody Mary Garnish Ingredients

• 2 sprigs dill, minced

• 4-8 oz cheese (cheddar, pepper jack, whatever you have around)

• 2-4 large olives

• 2 pickle spears

• 4 peppadew peppers

• 4 skewers

Beer Battered Cheese Curds Ingredients

• 1 c. flour

• 1.5 tsp. baking powder

• 1 tsp. black pepper

• 1/2 tsp salt

• 12 oz lager beer

• 1 lb. cheese curds, frozen

• 1 qt. vegetable oil

Make the Bloody Mary Garnish

1. Mince the dill and set aside to finish the dish with.

2. Cut cheese into generous, 1” cubes.

3. Cut dill pickle spears into 2” long chunks.

4. Arrange and skewer so that fatty ingredients alternate with briny ones.

Make the Risotto Broth

1. Add first six ingredients to small sauce pot. Fill it halfway with Zing Zang mix and halfway with water. Bring to a simmer and hold.

Cook the Risotto

1. Heat 2 tbsp. olive oil in a Dutch oven over medium-low heat. Add the onion and stir periodically, until meltingly tender (10-15 minutes).

2. Add rice and whisk until grains are translucent and chatter.

3. Add vodka and whisk briskly until absorbed.

4. Add stock about 1/2 cup at a time, waiting until each addition is absorbed before adding the next. When the stock pot liquid level gets low, replenish with equal amounts Zing Zang and water. If you run out of Zing Zang, switch to water. Taste the broth and adjust the additional ingredients (miso, pickle brine, etc) as necessary.

5. It will take about 40 minutes for the rice to be tender. When it has lost its chalkiness but still retains its individual grains, turn the heat as low as it will go, cover, and leave alone while you fry the cheese curds.

Batter and Fry the Cheese Curds

1. Line a sheet pan with 2-3 layers of paper towels. Set aside.

2. Whisk the flour and baking powder in a medium bowl. Add the beer and whisk until the texture is smooth and consistent, with a slow but measurable flow. It should not be clumpy or overly runny.

3. Heat the vegetable oil in large skillet until it reaches 375° F / 190° C. It will shimmer, and if you stick a wooden spoon into it, bubbles will immediately form around the wood.

4. Working with half the cheese curds at a time, dip in the batter and, using a slotted spoon (or your fingers if you’re brave), quickly transfer to the hot oil.

5. Fry for about two minutes per side, until the entire cheese curd is a wonderful, shining golden fried cheese nugget. Remove to the paper-towel-lined sheet tray.

6. Repeat with the second batch of curds.

Finish the Risotto

1. When the curds are fried, come back to the risotto. Uncover the pot and give it a nice stir, adding another ladle of stock to loosen it up. Add the parmesan and whisk to combine. If you would like it softer, continue to add stock until the texture is as you like it.

2. When you are happy with the texture, ladle it onto plates. Garnish with the skewers and three beautiful cheese curds in the center. Sprinkle with chopped dill. Serve the rest of the curds in a free-for-all bowl in the center of the table.

Until next time. Cook bravely.

xoxo,

Shell